News: Turn 1 (March-October 1642)

The Right Sort of Villainy

An extract from Tyburn Tales, a regular pamphlet detailing the deeds of those clearly destined for the gallows.

As the Lady Turner' loss of her jewels attests, the Right Villainous James Hodge is back! All the Right Honourables can start locking their daughters up, lest they offer him their Jewels! Those Doe-Skin breeches do set petticoats Aflutter, and even after Twenty years terrorising the Highways of Albion his Energy has not Abated – and his Skills have Surely Sharpened! It is even said that he presented the Lady with a Jewel stolen from the Duke of York!

The Curse on Our Waters

An extract from a sermon given by the Dean of Harrogate.

What is this threat, that would keep us from the shores? How is a man put in peril when crosses the threshold of a tavern? Who are they, who would ignore the laws of man and God?

This peril comes from the South, but it is not Spain we need fear - it is our own land which turns against us! From Cornwall the Curse comes! No Privateers those who fly their pennants in Penzance, but Pirates! They turn talk to treachery, and shun Spanish ships to sink those of our Sovereign Matthew! It is the duty of every right-thinking Englishman to expose these fiends for what they are!

One Step Too Far

A pamphlet circulated particularly around port towns. Officially it is certainly not published by the Venerable Order, however popular opinion is it definitely is.

The Land of Albion has one Defender, in the Army of the King. But what place has an Infantryman on the Sea? How can Our Nation defend Herself when her Soldiers play Sailors? The Order have defended our shores for lifetimes, let the Army turn to them when they are in need of Ships. Surely that is better than spending the King's gold on Ships which shall surely be improperly built and run ashore if they can be floated.

The Crisis of Faith

From “Revelations of the Sceptred Isles”, a banned Puritan pamphlet which regularly finds itself in wide circulation until the Church of England finds it and burns it.

“Thus let it not be said that the Heathen Jew and dissenting Catholic may sit down at meat and drink with our nation's own sovereign King - and that this is right in the eyes of God! Let it not be said that our children may be corrupted by the foul and daemonic teachings of the blasphemous Rabbis, even in the very streets - and that this is right in the eyes of God! Let it not be said that loyal men and women of Albion fall to licentious behaviour and cavorting with heathens, foreigners and the agents of the Damned themselves - and that this is right in the eyes of God!

For though it has been said by Canterbury and York that the Jew was first given leave to enter this country, that he might see the true virtue of Christian thought and thus be brought into the glory of Christ - how many converts has the Church truly seen? How many former Rabbis now preach the doctrine of the Life and the Resurrection? How many of these are truly Elect in the eyes of God? None! And yet every day we hear more news of good Christian children slipping away to hear blasphemous Jewish teachings in the Synagogues, and strong Christian men subjecting themselves to the most heretical rites of mutilation and diabolism to enter into the Kabal of Yehudim! Cornwall itself has almost fallen to the disastrous scourge, and it shall not be long before Oxford follows in its stead. This Plague must be stopped before it destroys the very sum and substance of our sovereign Nation, and the enemies of all that is virtuous and true gain the ear of the King himself!”

Affairs of the Island Principalities

Being a discussion of the latest developments in the Germanic Principalities.

Reports received from the Principality of Schaumburg-Lippe suggest that the line of the Holy Roman Emperors1) may not be as defunct as heretofore imagined. A woman claiming to be Princess Katharina Sofie, who was believed to have perished along with the rest of her family in the Franzberg Incident of 1621, was found upon the beaches of Schaumburg-Lippe scarce weeks ago. Those villagers who came upon her were Amazed as the woman began to Speak in Tongues, and so it was some time before her Identity was discovered.

If this is accurate, then it could mark a shift of power in the German arena, as the Holy Roman Empire may rise again. The Principalities could perhaps be united by it, and certainly the Princess will find no Shortage of welcoming arms. There is only the question of which conceal daggers.

A Most Foul and Sorcerous Attack

From a sermon given by the Bishop of Chichester

These foule men that still call themselves Scholars are but the most unholy worshippers of Satan and from this land must be cleansed. Did not our most Serene and Peaceful towns experience the Cruelty and Torture of demons summoned from the fiery Gehenna but two weeks past as cows were slain, sheep left split in twain and the town of Worthing buried in unearthly flames. The demon yet rampages in our land.

Worse still, the Fiend of Terror was Summoned for a grim and disgusting Purpose, that on that night the Most Noble and Gracious Lady Eloise Graham of Worthing most terribly assaulted. The demon's hell-given powers even so great as for the Lady to see the deed as a pleasure and make her smile and commend that fine gentleman that did so rudely interrupt her rest…

There's none more treacherous than the Spaniards! Except the French!

From an article in the regular pamphlet “The Dragon” published in Dunkerque since the Dutch Wars and popular with the Albion military.

Though we are rid of war with Spain and long may their papist devilry stay from our shores, the enemies of Albion never cease to Appear. The situation in the French Kingdom grows yet more worrying by the day and The Dragon, well informed by men of good repute, can reveal that the little-loved Queen Anne may seek to offend the Albion Crown for our good fight against Spain. That she would pass France unto the Habsburg name seems too unthinkable and she is surely mad! What honest Frenchman could see him or herself ruled by a German or a Spaniard and accept the injustice and offence?!

The Queen, then, may well plunge Europe into war and so ruin the Peace so longed-for by the honest rulers - Matthew and Louis of France. For she has come to reign in peace and her duty to preserve it as when Elizabeth was crowned in war, she took upon herself to bring about a lasting Peace.

All Albion Shook - A Royal Kidnapping

Reported in one form or another in Albion's pamphlets and papers, news passed in every tavern and announced in every Church and Synagogue

The Prince is gone and the Royal Guard baffled! The Princes William and Harry, twins, have been protected and safe for a long time but now one of them has Mysteriously Disappeared but yesterday.

Yet the case is more Strange and Terrifying, for the brother of the taken Prince is in deep sleep, there taken by a blow and not yet of conscious mind! One knows not whether it is William or Harry that was taken and which received the most unnecessary and cruel attack of the villains.

Blame lies all around and the Whole Kingdom must be up in arms and in search of the Fiendish Culprits.

The Parliamentary Session

A short pamphlet entitled “All Westminster's Men”, distributed around Oxford and some major towns

Once more the Nobles, Clergy and Knights and Burgesses of the Realm gather to the debate the laws of Albion. Yet this shall come to be known as the Boring Parliament as the men elected have neither style, nor skill, nor are many veterans of the Parliamentary battles of the passing age. Will they debate the toll on cattle? The price of bill-hooks? Adjust and fuss over minor laws and ancient bills? What greatness can our Kingdom achieve with these men we do not know.

Though some hope rests on Baron Wyndham, who with his quiet wit and most precise knowledge of the land may yet turn the Boring Parliament into one of Use and Profit for the Kingdom.

Please Note: Players who are MPs or eligible to sit in the House of Lords may propose motions and vote on them in the coming week. Motions are submitted with turnsheets before Thursday Midnight after which they will be announced and votes must be submitted before Saturday Midnight.

The Children of Israel

Published in “The Canterbury Dissenter”, a Church of England clerical pamphlet which advocates moderate religious reform.

”…and to those who speak of the expulsion of the Jew from this land, we can but say: Look to your firstborn sons, who are hale and healthy! Look to your cattle, untouched by plague! Look to your crops, unblighted! Look to the Islands of Albion as they prosper, and see that the children of Israel are a blessing upon this Archipelago, not a Paynim curse. For it is in the sight of the chosen people of God that the Kingdom of Heaven will come about, and as Christ's glory and mercy has been shown to us, so can God's wrath be averted by true Christian faith and tolerance of our brothers the Yehudim. The Flood has taken much from us, but Royal Albion has prevailed; let us pray that as Albion accepts all the children of Abraham into her bosom, such a disaster will not come again…”

Jesuits Under the Bed

An account, presented to the magistrates of the Meadows and the men of the Lord-Defender, with regard to the assassins of the Order of Arundel who fled in the night
The seamstress Gwen Boleyn, for several of the women and some of the men of that house did account themselves seamstresses, claimed that the noises had come at all hours of the day and night while she did ply her trade. Many were the customers that entered her chambers, for it is well known that the britches and petticoats of Oxford are frequently in need of darning, and at times the gin of which she partook meant that she was not aware of what they did within.

Her suspicions were finally aroused enough to investigate ‘neath her bed when she smelled a strange scent - little wafted through the Meadows - a brew of the Indies she had smelt as she passed a teahouse in more respectable quarters. Smoke drifted up between the floorboards under her bed and she in alarum most extreme did cry out till the whole house was roused and did enter to investigate. When the boards were removed a space of the height of a man’s waist was discovered and within four narrow cots, covered with papist trinkets and pamphlets, and in the middle a stove still burning. Of the occupants no further evidence was discovered.

Taken with patriotic fervour the mob within spilled out, many in a state of undress and aroused the neighbourhood. Seven suspected Papists and a dog believed to have taken meat were hung before dawn and the arrival of men of substance.

More famously recorded in the popular song:

When bedtime comes 'round, I am filled up with dread. 
There's Jesuits, JESUITS, under my bed!  

They're angry, they're hungry, they drool, and they shed! 
There's Jesuits down there an' they want me dead! 

There's Jesuits, **JESUITS**, under my bed! 

When Have You Last Seen a Brother of the Rose Cross?

An angry rant delivered in the markets of some major towns by one Alexandra Caye

That these secret men have sworn to protect us all against the Papist evils we all know, but where are they? They are far too secret, caught up in their minds and plans and plots and neglecting the fine citizens of Albion. They could not stop the death of Good King Harry, then how can they protect the humble man or woman of this town?

They must be vigilant and check beneath our beds for papist scum, yet they do not, for I have seen no Brother of the Rose Cross hunt for the Kingdom and Church's enemies!

The rant usually carries on in similar vein and ends with a call to petition the Lords and King to force the Rosicrucians into serious action.

Spineless Upon the Seas

From “The Serpent”, a small publication produced in Plymouth and intended to rival the more popular “The Dragon”.
Our Shores are Secured by the Army and the Dragoons not by the Weak Wooden Walls of the ships of the Order. If you do not see them as weak then The Serpent says you are Blind. Look more carefully at Cadiz, secure behind its walls and sorceries and unharried by the Craven. And worse now, for Observe, a treasure fleet filled with Plundered Aztec gold appears upon Cadiz’ horizon. No threat from the Privateers, for they are a hazard only to the Vats of the innkeepers and those Plump lads and lasses too Slow and Witless to escape their Lusts.

The College Boat-Race

From official announcements made by both Oxford University and the Invisible College.

”…submissions are now open for this year's Boat-Race, to occur upon Midsummer's Day. The course is as standard, from the Royal Docks to the tip of Vries Island and back again in one single journey. Participants are reminded that translocation is considered to be Cheating, and any seeking to use Daemonic assistance in the construction or propellance of their entries are advised to seek guidance from their Priest or Rabbi on the legitimacy of their entry…

…all eligible, matriculated members of the University and the Invisible College must register before the termination of April, and teams submitted to the Examiners are to remain constant, with no Substitutions except in cases of Illness or Incapacity.

All entries to the Race must be entirely self-built and funded, and piloted by one or more members of the approved team, using only the most rational Scientific methods. Plagiarism will not be tolerated. Members are reminded that seeking Scientific assistance from outside the College is strictly prohibited and will lead to immediate disqualification.

Any Peer wishing to act as a Sponsor for the Boat-Race, or offer an additional Prize to winning contestants, should contact either College office…”

The Giant Lizards of the Mighty Rainy Forests of the Americas

From a discrete and stylish pamphlet distributed in the better class of coffeehouse
Sir Elias Ashmole invites the gentry of Oxford and Albion beyond to inspect a fine collection of curiosities at his townhouse. Recently added is the mightiest femur ever seen in these Isles, a bone fully twice the height of a man which dwarfs that of even the largest dragon. And with it the diaries of the adventurer Jacque Shepherd, from which we extract.

… her fine masts Reduced to kindling and fragments by the ferocious Volleys of the Vile Spaniards I watched the Challenger sink below the waves even as I feared I might. But in the distance I observed the Shoreline we had Struggled so long to reach and I swam, I Swam until each motion of my arms and legs was purest Agony. […] I recovered a few Supplies over those days as they washed ashore, including most remarkably this Journal, sealed in sealskin […] Each night we hear Terrible Roaring in the jungle but there is no freshwater here and soon we Survivors shall have to leave the beach and discover what lurks within […] And in a clearing we saw the Beast, a veritable Tyrant of a Lizard, it stood still and tall and looked about it as a King surveys its domain. The teeth, each one as long as my arm.

For the peerage, by appointment only.

High Spirits on High Street

Upon a noticeboard at Cain’s College
The roisterers from Invisible College have become so Intemperate that we must Advise all students and faculty to carry with them a Stout Stick if they do no possess a Pistol or Musket upon which they can call. In the latest incident Eliza Gamut of this College was almost set upon in the Street by the Invisible drunkards. We thank Divine Providence, which must surely smile more favourably on those Colleges not founded in Hell, that Ms Gamut has returned Safely to these Halls.

New Synagogue to Open

Message delivered by town criers around the islands of Cornwall.

”…the new Synagogue having completed construction, services will be held from this Sabbath onwards under the auspices of Rabbi David Levy. Celebrations will be held throughout the week, and all the Faithful are encouraged to join us in dedicating this new site…”

Many have noted the large number of Jews - both converts and otherwise - taking up residence in Cornwall in recent years. The opening of this great new Synagogue is only one of the signs of the changing religion of the islands.

Sensation in Albion

Extracts from Nearer, a gossip pamphlet covering the ups and downs of members of the court.

“…You too can have that long-lasting youthful look of the Brandage twins, just contact…”

“Sensation! Josh Wrackham back in court! We at Nearer would never have thought the King would allow it, but someone obviously forgot about that indiscretion upon the person of the late Queen (and oh my! where did those hands roam!) all those years ago. Never fear, readers, Nearer will never forget the juicy gossip…”

“…sworn never to speak! Brother Chalk may not be talkative, but Nearer promises the first exclusive interview…”

“…replacement of staff at the Midnight Rose met with much objection at first, but if anything, the customer base has expanded dramatically, and now includes a number of high profile figures shortly to be attending court! For all the juicy details, see the next edition…”

Gryphons in York

A grubby handwritten pamphlet showing the signs of being trodden on a few too many times, posted in some lower class taverns.

Those Horties believe that They are Better than Us. They Steal our Land for their Creatures. They try to Steal our Women and Men for their Debauchery. And Now, in York, Their Gryphons are Moulting, and the Feathers get Everywhere. Why just Yesterday, full Twelve of them Landed in my Pigeon Broth. Something must be Done.

A Call for Assistance

A notice circulated throughout Albion.

The King's Own Horticulturalists are looking for brave men and women to join an expedition to the North-West Passage. Persons of all skills and professions are required in a bid to recover the eggs of a dragon. Glory and honour await all those on a successful expedition. Those who prove themselves will have the opportunity to join the Horticulturalists for the honour of Albion.

Shortage of spice causing problems

From TVMCOA, a regular pamphlet covering the Merchant Companies

“In the markets: fluctuations in the supply of cinnamon are disturbing the transport links throughout Albion. Guild Navigators are increasing prices across the board in a bid to ensure their regular flow of the spice, whilst even those who are unaffected by the price hikes complain of longer transport times. A recent flood of ginger in the market has done nothing to sate demand. At present, any shipment of cinnamon is likely to bring a large profit, and both the EIC and MISC are looking to set up an expedition to ensure supply.”

Princess Mary's Coming Out Party

From a pamphlet published by Lady Mary Charlton of Luton, noted Fop, found in many of the better coffee houses.

Princess Mary's Eighteenth Birthday was quite the event, although you'd have to be there to truly appreciate it. All the finest of the country, though none as fine as myself. I saw many wearing the burgundy silk I had shown off last season, shamefully behind the times. I'm surprised they were even allowed in. If you can't keep up with fashion, what's the use?

The Princess herself was radiant as ever, and she confided in me that she was most appreciative of my help with her Wardrobe of late. And of course, she agreed with me completely about the state of some of the guests, although she suggested that maybe we should have pity on those poor unfortunates too graceless, uncouth or stupid to make a decent showing of themselves.

The entertainments were superb as is to be expected of such an event, with Illusions provided by a Conjurer. The first display by a Conjurer I've seen in years! I have no idea where they found him. A most delightful fellow too, I found him most entertaining.

Witch Burning in Dumfries

An extract from a Puritan pamphlet swiftly quashed by the Church of England.

And though the foul Church of England, as close to the Papists as any Brother, will not fight this Plague of Witchcraft around our country, one Man has come forward to Show us what must be done! Though-Shalt-Not-Suffer-A-Witch-To-Live Jones rode into Dumfries upon a Grey Horse and challenged a Foul Witch named Lizzie Scoggins to renounce Satan and give up her Witchcraft! When she refused, Witch Jones swiftly had his men Raise a Stake and Burn the Witch. We are Humbled by his Dedication in the face of Persecution by the Anglican Church.

Treasure Hunters Missing

A notice found in many of the larger cities across Albion.

Reward offered: My wife, Lady Frances Raleigh has gone missing. She was heading to the sunken City of Liverpool in search of Treasure with some Colleagues of hers. Their Bathyscaphe was last seen submerging near the site of the City. A significant reward is offered for information as to her whereabouts.

Raid on Dunbar!

From a sensationalist pamphlet distributed around the Lowlands of Scotland.

The Border Reivers strike again! Dunbar, just twenty-five miles east of Edinburgh, has been Burnt to the ground! There was no Warning, their Longships appeared from Nowhere, and the vicious Highlanders in their Rude Kilts poured out by the Hundreds! Townsmen who did not Flee immediately were Cut Down, their homes set Aflame. Women were carried off by the Filthy Reivers, and not seen since! A passing Privateer vessel, the Dauntless, sunk one ship although the rest Escaped into the Isles of Fife. Those Longships can move Fast!

Something must be Done! The Reivers become more Daring with every month that passes! We must stop them before they raid Edinburgh itself!

Rumours of the Lande

“You know, the mad inventor Hans Franzberg is back, and with a vengeance. I swear there's more rumours about his coming this year than before.”

“Look! Is that the monstrous corpse of the undead Clockwork King?!”

“The King is in excellent health I hear” ”… which King is in excellent health!?”

“Whatever do the social movers of this land get up to? Not heard of much heroics recently.”

1) rulers of Austria before the flood
news/2.1.txt · Last modified: 2007/10/16 16:03 by innokenti