News in England is distributed by a wide variety of ways. These include notices pasted on the boards of Churches and Taverns and notes sent around the courtiers by the messengers of the nobility and gentry. The most popular distribution however is from the pulpit and the press - the priests and preachers of all churches pass news onto their congregations in town and countryside while many write and publish pamphlets they distribute far and wide. Here follows a collection of the most interesting and important news.

Recently, conversation in taverns have often included stories, often fantastical, of the birth of Dick Smashing. Despite numerous attempts to contact “An Observer” to claim the prize, none appear to have succeeded.

“Did you hear?”
“What?”
“The Captain, Admiral, well, Smashing! When he was born he burst out of his mother and defended the midwife from Jesuit assassins with a hastily-snatched-up birthing apparatus.”
“Never! I have it on good authority that he sprang from her forehead, fully armed in the middle of Court, to take down the Regicide!”
“That's clearly nonsense. Next you'll be saying you believe the one that he was really the child of Elizabeth II and the Rose's patron.”

A notice posted on the board at Invisible College and at a number of the Oxford Colleges.

Do you have lands sunk beneath the floodwaters? Why not realise their potential and raise them? Through alchemical means, members of the University of Oxford and the Invisible College can arrange for you to have your very own Potion of Groundswell. Have your own alchemist? We can teach you the secrets. Contact Professor Ali Omar Al-Malik at the Invisible college for details of your local agent.

An article in the military pamphlet 'The Dragon', published in Dunkerque.

At Scone College the Major-General Walter Devereux has established a new Academy of the Martial Arts, for the training of the young Officers of the Dragoons and Army of Albion. We at The Dragon have received word that this is but the first step in a great Reform and Reorganisation of the Armies of Albion that they might become ever Stronger. As any parent knows the Education of the Young if formative and so to the Education of the Officer. The Gentleman educated in Tactics and Good Drill shall become at once the Superior of even the most Gifted Amateur.

The Royal Navy too has Established an Academy of its own, housed within the walls of the Invisible College. Though this new Academy will be teaching the Arts of Navigation, Tactics and Logistics to the junior Officers of the Royal Navy its chief role is in the Technological Arts. A great Coterie of Inventors and Alchemists shall toil there in the service of Albion to construct the Future of His Majesty's warships.

From a sermon preached at the chapel of the Invisible College

And ye, even the greatest sinner may repent of their ways and see the hollowness and emptiness that is life not lived in the Way of the Lord. Once Dame Katherine Chandler was a terrible sight in the Quads of our College, a woman of licentiousness and the most unpleasant whispers of forwardness. Dame Katherine Chandler, a stain upon the character of our College, greeted by properly pursed lips wherever she went.

It gives me no pleasure to speak of such unpleasantness from my pulpit. But it does give me pleasure to speak of her reform, of the seriousness and respect that now she proclaims in her dress and manner and speech. No more the painted harlot but now the true daughter of Christ, pious and respectable. She kneels now in prayer in our congregation, a penitent and reformed character.

But even as Dame Katherine has found her faith once more and turned from her old ways there are those whose sins are infinitely worse. So deep in the service of the Adversary that it seems impossible that they shall ever be redeemed. Still they pursue their crimes within the College, but now Dame Katherine roots them out and exposes their plots. Keep Dame Katherine in your hearts that she may enjoy the protection of the Lord in her good work.

From a sermon in the Scottish town of Crieff

“…And let us give thanks to the Good Lord for providing us with our new Viscount, the Lord Alexander Gray of Crieff. He is A TRUE Scottish Gentleman. NO LONGER do the children of Crieff cry for lack of food. NO LONGER do the poor want for lack of work. NO LONGER do the socialites snub our humble town. NO LONGER are we without dragon and gryphon to protect us from the vile Jesuits…”

The sermon continues in a similar vein for some time.

A pamphlet from midway through the season.

”…Musgrave Fortesque M.P., the member for Plymouth West, in a FOUL and SCURRILOUS attack upon one of England's FINEST orators and rhetoricians. He will be sorely missed, most of all for the COMMON SENSE and PATRIOTISM which he brought to the King's Parliament; let us hope that his MURDERERS are mostly swiftly brought to justice and hanged like the Spanish dogs they are. The MONGREL PAPISTS infesting this Island will surely strike again, though, unless some firmer hold and grasp is made upon the SACRED LAND of ALBION and its strong native ENGLISHMEN; unless the INFERIOR races are kept firmly stopped at the borders of our glorious ARCHIPELAGO…”

A recruiting pamphlet, found particularly distributed around salons and coffeehouses on the island of Invictus.

”…every meal a banquet! Every bounty a Fortune! Every formation a Parade! The finest training from the Scone College Officer Training Academy, the most scientific and excellent Equipment available for the modern Soldier. The opportunity to command a levy from the English Heartland of Invictus, fine, strong young souls simply roaring at the thought of defending King and Country under your eye. The Noble Officers of the Eynesford First of Foot are the finest-armed, the finest-dressed, the best-regarded and the most gentlemanly Sons of Albion ever to take up arms in her defence…!”

The pamphlet goes on at some length extolling the virtues of the regiment, recently raised by Baron Eynesford, and the excellent training offered at the Scone College training facility for prospective officers.

An announcement made around Oxford

His Majesty King Matthew Tudor, King of Albion, the Netherlands, Navarre, Lord of Gibraltar, Malta and the American Colonies has announced the following Viscountcies:

• Lady Megan Annwn, Viscountess of Ballynabooly
• Lord Alexander Gray, Viscount of Crieff
• Lord Quinn Smith, Viscount of Cwmdauddwr
• Approximately a dozen new NPC viscountcies are also listed

A new regular pamphlet called the “Navarrese Observer”, published by Chauncey Osbert Wayland in Pamplona, is being widely circulated in the coffeehouses and salons of Albion's major cities.

”… so Don Inigo, addressing a gathering of the Nobles of Navarre, gave a long and thorough speech on the matters of the so-called Jeltzalea Nafarroako Erresuma, a growing Navarrese national organisation. It has alarmed many of us over these two years past, indeed in the opinion of your humble correspondent, it is a dangerous form of separatism and damaging to the friendship between the people of Navarre and Albion. Yet Don Inigo, widely believed to be the leader of the organisation, assured the Nobles that the position of the JNE has been exaggerated and any threat it may pose is entirely negligible. What rhetoric it was! I am informed, from those conversations as I was able to conduct, that the nobles are re-assured by the clear display of openness and frankness from Don Inigo…”

”… continues the 'ralleies' in Tolosa and other regions of Navarre. Representatives has 'graced' almost every town and village and this has little helped to assure the harmlessness of such a movement. Given the performance of the Navarre regiment some year ago and Don Inigo's leadership, as well as the indication of other military units still remaining, many wonder whether Don Inigo is aiming to create a personal and private following. Others hope that after initial success the novelty of the movement will die out…”

Reported in the same “Navarrese Observer”.

”… some Basque products also making their way to the fair. Though attempting to promote cultural relations between Spain and Albion, your humble correspondent notes that the event was ill-attended…”

A pamphlet distributed widely across Oxford and all Albion. Several other publications along similar lines also have a wide distribution.

A towering man, yet gracing every tavern and coffeehouse of repute, there to humbly to drink and dine with those he had Delivered from such calamity! Seeming ever more Graceful and impressive, Lord Grover with great ease fits across all Oxford's society.

This - our Greatest hero who worked Tirelessly, without prompt, or any promise of recompense, to deliver to us the city Safe. Dispelling the rogue ritual and Commanding the greatest respect amongs the most Notable academics, this Saviour had been sent to us by God.

Let us all continue to remember this Amazing man, who, now our lives no longer in Mortal Danger, to but entertain us and keep all Happy…

The works at the 'New Rose' this season are appearing with the byline that its effects are being produced by the 'Saviour of Oxford'.

A great assembly in of the nobles of the lands that once were and once again are part of the Holy Roman Empire. Duke and duchesses and princes and bishops by the score till it seemed that every noble rank ever created since the fall of Rome was gathered within the same room and that the air would be excluded by the sheer weight of synonyms for nobleman. Most important of those gathered, and remaining once those without their exalted extra title were herded out, were the Electors of the Holy Roman Empire. Those with the power to restore that Kingdom once more and those who sat in Judgement upon the claimant, the woman naming herself Crown Princess Maria Anna.

For nearly a month the nobles of the Germanies remained in suspense and great waves of rumour and speculation swept across the centre of Christendom. Some that the Princess was real and that would be crowned that very day, and then with the next breath a new rumour that she had been revealed as an automaton or alchemical monster.

All know what the result of those deliberations was. That the Holy Roman Empress Maria Anna was crowned in Vienna by the Archbishop of that city some two months ago. The young Empress was resplendent in royal robes of unusual finery and refinement and accompanied throughout the ceremony by her rescuer, confidant and now Chancellor the Lady Anastasia Hamilton. A mere month later she stood in the Albion city of Dunkerque and signed a Treaty of Alliance with her hosts and representatives of the great City-State of Prague.

“…spending considerable amounts of time in the taverns of Oxford. Nearer has further heard that Thou Shalt Not…”

“…sad news that Lord Mandrake and Lady Hamilton have broken off their…”

“…most unwell of late. This has not, however, prevented Lady Morag from her continued advances upon His…”

“…spy glass. Not content to merely use her astrology, Dame Eliza has taken to spying directly…”

“…previous stories of Johannes Franz and Dame Chandler, Nearer understands the Dame has been spending some considerable time with the Captain's gigantic sword…”

Following the success of the previous special edition, Nearer has taken to including etchings of prominent court members with all its publications. The image in this edition features Lady Anastasia Hamilton, wearing what appears to be a military dress uniform, albeit sleeveless, with a remarkably low-cut and tight-fitting top, and tight trousers short enough to show of an almost improper amount of ankle. One hand is placed upon her waist, and the other rests upon the hilt of the sword at her belt. At her feet is a lady looking remarkably like the new Empress of the Holy Roman Empire. This figure is shown embracing Lady Hamilton's leg, with her head resting gently upon it. Unlike Lady Hamilton's finery, the lady at her feet is merely wearing a loose-fitting thin silk robe. Lady Hamilton is looking towards the artist, while the Empress looks adoringly at the Lady.

“…grand ball to occur in the grounds of Lord Devereux's estates next year. Naturally, Nearer will…”

“…Orion. This gentleman is, in Nearer's well-established opinion, one of the finest attendees of His Majesty's court. Not only a vital patron of the arts, Captain Christopher is a truly fantastic officer in…”

“…for his pulling prowess. Only Captain Smashing…”

“…Lady Speaker will not be biased by the time spent alone in her room with the Muscovite Ambassador. It is further understood by Nearer that the time they spent in Italy…”

From the log-book of the Maxillian, an independent trader plying the seas between East Asia and Albion. The ship was at the time some hundred miles south of Nippon.

At the changing of the watch, some few hours before dusk in those waters, the majority of the crew were gathered upon the deck and all agreed that the following significant and outlandish events had been observed. That first the sky did change hue from a clear blue to a perfect white above the island of Nippon. That this white was not the shade of fog or cloud and that it did appear at once and did not coalesce gradually or drift upon the wind, nor did it cast any light or cause any shadow, but did appear as if the sky had been robbed of all colour.

Second that some few who were most often selected for the post of watch did claim to see a great figure in the whiteness, and it did appear to be made of shades and glowing veins of metal. All did see a shadow as of a man but only these few did make out the details. All did agree that the black figure did appear to be most gigantic and that the sight of it did put fear in the hearts of all.

Thirdly that shortly after the appearance of the white sky and shadow figure there was heard a mighty roar as if a gunpowder arsenal had caught fire all at once. A great wind came suddenly up from the east and carried the ship west while the waters did flow the opposite direction.

Fourthly that the mast being cracked in the sudden gale the Maximillian was carried to the east towards the shores of Nippon, a land that has been forbidden to foreigners by the government of the land, but that it did not reach that land though it should have within but a few hours. In fact that no evidence of the islands of Nippon were discovered at all though the course passed through that land.

Fifthly that the waters through which we sailed were white and wholy devoid of all colour for the whole of that time in which the Maximillian did sail upon areas that were marked upon our charts as land of the Nipponese.

This I record as the master of the good ship Maximillian.

An extract from the latest issue of “The Oxford Idler”, a popular pamphlet which mostly devotes itself to reviews of the literary world.

”…Sangreal, having finished an exceptionally successful run at the New Rose, has begun to tour with a slightly modified company, Helen Fervent apparently being required to stay behind in Oxford for reasons concerning the theatre. Her replacement does not quite shine with her (my regular readers will forgive the pun) fervour, but the piece is nevertheless excellent, and has seen fine showings already on several isles. Rumours that the Navigators' Guild will be commissioning a performance upon a floating stage…”

From a sermon by a Puritan preacher in the further reaches of Scotland

… that these horrors that have befallen our people are the work of the English? Who else would choose to attack our lands so mysteriously and suddenly. These great balls of steel, lit in the air with hellfire and screaming with the souls of the damned lay RUIN to good Scottish communities. A whole village destroyed, now DESOLATE land…

Many conversations similar to that below occur between various witches and those who listen to them around the borders of Scotland

“It's all the trouble of the Kingdom coming out. Being hurt it is and nobody doing a damnest thing about it.”
“Apart from us.”
“Well of course apart from us, but there's only so much we can do, talk to spirits and heal the earth, but it's them politics at work. Wars and conflict.”
“I think someone's been at the curses, some great enemy working to crush the spirit of the land and have it wrecked. Leaves great big smoking 'oles!”

Some opinion is voiced by various Jewish communities, eventually recorded in minor pamphlets.

… and if the Archbishop does nothing still, how are we to defend and repair our land? Whoever hath caused such Great Explosions is surely in Protest against Archbishop Lockett. If he be the target, whyever must the common, good people suffer? Let him take his cursed presence away…

An opinion voiced by a Scottish farmer.

“It's the Jesuit cows! Unnatural, evil… they're a load cannon, lad.”

A copy of “The Tyburn Tales”, a popular sensational pamphlet on the lives of those already taken to the gallows, or narrowly evading them.

With Adam O'Farrel on trial on charges of murder, attempted murder and use of demonic weaponry, it looked like certain death for the Hero of the Americas! But, in a Shocking Revelation, the man at the Defence Stand was revealed to be Proinsias Cassidy, a Commoner posing as the Viscount! This unbelievable story was backed up with Testament of the Man's ability to be in Two places at once, in Panama guarding our Boys, and Wyndham's Study holding a smoking gun.

The Hellish Angelum was Blamed, for influencing the Man, and Wyndham, for Blackmail and enforcing participation in Heathen Rituals involving Human Sacrifice!

The charges, now including the impersonation of nobility, were too serious for any penalty other than Death, and Cassidy Cried like a Child on the way to the Gallows, Composure of Court forgotten. Death was swift.

Various pamphlets are printed and the issues therein discussed among the politicians and elite of Oxford. The topic has caused a furore after the revelation of certain claims during the Adam O'Farrel trial.

… this man, supposedly a protector of the Kingdom and one meting out Counsel to the King should keep such Evidence and Danger from the people. Knowing full well the Jesuit connections of the traitor Cassidy he tried rather to Turn the man to his Will, than let others know of the danger! So thus he hath caused his own dangers…

… and that it was Wyndham who had cause to ORDER the performance of a HEATHEN and DEADLY ritual that caused the end of a NOBLE of Albion and CONDEMNED the souls of others to severance of God's love? …

… most irresponsible and Foolish, seeking his own gains…

Political and popular opinion of Baron Wyndham has been seriously damaged and many have called for appropriate investigations to be launched and evidence for trials prepared.

From various pamphlets about the 'Free Air Act'

..Inventors and Alchemists have done a roaring trade in Inventions and Alchemical preparations that can make buildings float in the air. Since Parliament voted that any structure not attached to the land of Albion is a free state in its own right in the so-called 'Free Air Act', many have had their homes lifted into the air to avoid the paying of taxes..

..Businesses lifted into the air to avoid duties on goods, and the King's monopolies. The large Merchant Companies have been hit particularly hard, their Spice monopolies in the East destroyed by the new traders hovering above Albion..

..The Rich are moving off Albion soil, the Poor left behind on the ground find prices rising. Conditions are becoming harsher, and the poorhouses are filling up..

..Domicile piracy is on the rise, vicious dirigibles made by maverick Inventors taking and holding the new states. Floating houses are gathering together for mutual protection..

..The economy of the country is in turmoil – soon all Albion will be bankrupt!

From the diary of 'Mad John' of Chester, reprinted by many pamphleteers.

And from the Tomb of Sufir-Teph-Rah came forth a great Army of the Infernal. When the first demon came out we thought it a summoning gone wrong, and ran to fetch the Sorcerors. But then came more and more, from the smallest chittering Imps to the huge Dukes, the entrance to the tomb splitting apart. And following them, Archdukes, enormous in size, tearing the very earth asunder as they came forth.

And this great horde descended on the City of Cairo, tearing at buildings with claws and teeth, the largest of them cutting swathes through the city. One huge monstrosity, ten stories tall with wings of flayed skin and the head of a ram, tore into the Babylon Fortress, destroying it in short order. Theurgists and Sorcerers tried to erect hasty circles to contain the demons, but they were too many.

I saw men flayed alive in the streets of Cairo. I saw women torn in two by a pair of Imps fighting over their prize. I saw children crushed beneath the feet of the servants of Satan, I saw infants burning in their cots. I saw crowds of people crushed beneath the rubble of the city. I saw the greatest city of the Ottoman Empire razed to the ground, its people slaughtered. Barely one in ten of the population escaped. I took a ship on the Gerard Canal, one of the last before the Demons took the west bank and destroyed all the ships remaining there. Nobody else will be travelling through the canal, unless it be a war fleet.

I was John of Chester, but now they call me Mad John. And indeed, I feel my mind slipping away from me. But none who were in Cairo that day could keep their sanity. Having seen what I have seen, the nightmares I wake screaming from, I can only look forward to the waiting bosom of insanity.

From a pamphlet about Naval matters.

..Observers saw the fleet approaching, showing no colours but obviously from mainland Spain. And at the same moment, a force of Jesuits attempted to take the Governor's mansion. The attack was fought off by Naval forces sent by Wilson Mandrake and Anastasia Hamilton and the Army forces sent previously by Walter Devereux.

Spain denies that they ordered the attack, but of course nobody believes them.

A pamphlet published on behalf of Ellspeth Murdon, a prophetess and seer or madwoman, depending on who you talk to.

Woe! Woe! There can be Nothing but Woe for this land, while the Prince Sickens! Any who hurt the Land hurt Him, and any who hurt Him hurt the Land! The Country weakens, the stones cry out in pain! Know that you are fortunate, you who walk the land Deaf to its Screams, Blind to the Blackness that has taken root at the Heart of our Land.

Call you Albion fair? that fair again unsay. France is fair: O happy fair! Where wheat is green, where hawthorn buds appear. Sickness is catching: O, were fortune so. The Foreteller of Death, Morrigu that was, Harsh Crow Calling a Battle that our Prince cannot ride to.

Only in Hereford can Sanctuary found, where Holyness is Found in the Stones themselves, where the White Lady has tended the Ills of All. Only there can Peace be found! Seek Shelter! Seek Shelter, for the Storm comes! The Prince is the Fisher-King come again!

Save him! Save us Alle!

A popular form of pamphlet appearing across Albion is the so-called 'Obituarie', detailing the lives of recently deceased people of note.

The Duchess of York, Matilda Greenswald, was discovered to have Fallen into a Swoon at the end of the last meeting of Court, possibly caused by the Excitement of the Court being Detained. Physicians attending her were able to do little to help, but did Ascertain that she wished to be taken from the Protection of Court to meet her fate, even if it were Death. Upon passing from the Spell's radius, she Passed Away.

Her estate had previously been Divided up as Prizes in the Boat Race.

From a pamphlet by noted pamphleteer Archibald Seasonal.

Captain Smashing related to me the story of his visit to the Fountain of Youth; the daring deeds they undertook there to save the innocents; not just of Albion, but of the entire world! For each sip from the Fountain takes the life of one not yet born. Fortunately, on his last mission the Captain destroyed the fountain to prevent it falling into the hands of those who would misuse it.

And now, this great Hero is attempting to find the Holy Grail itself! I cannot in all conscience reveal any information about this most Holy quest, for we surely would not want the Catholic nations of Europe to get their grubby hands on this most sacred artefact. We can only hope that the Grail will be able to heal Prince Richard!

In answer to those who have questioned me about Captain Smashing's origins; I could not possibly reveal what the Captain has revealed to me in confidence.

From Hansard, the voting records for the most important Bills presented to Parliament these last months.

1. Proposed by Lady Anastasia Hamilton: An amendment to Dame Chandler's Bill Regarding the Air of Albion: “That solid objects within the air are hereby considered separate and distinct from the air itself. That one may not claim to own the air but one may claim to own that which exists within the air. Just as a vessel on the sea cannot be claimed to be part of the water or an Island surrounded on all sides may still be owned by a private individual, thus the same may be said to be true of the air. This is to extend to airships, beasts of burden and whatever else the Crown deems appropriate.” The Lady adds “I point you to the many and varied texts on alchemical theory to explain the distinction between the alchemical element of air and other distinct matter.”

The amendment is narrowly DEFEATED in the Commons, but support is substantial in the Lords.

2. Proposed by Dame Katherine Chandler: An amendment to her Bill Regarding the Air of Albion: A bill “Regarding State ownership of the air these Houses state that (a) for the purposes of the Act, any structure attached to or resting upon the ground is not regarded as part of the air of Albion and (b) that creatures, vessels or structures floating within the air of Albion are not considered property of the state, but rather have a status analogous to seafaring vessels, which, while they may travel within coastal waters owned by the Crown, are not themselves considered to belong to the State.”

The bill enjoys wide support in the Commons and reasonable support in a thinly attended Lords and is PASSED into law.

3. Proposed by Don Iñigo Arista: A Bill on Agrarian fund of the Realm: “This motion proposes that the Agrarian Fund of the Realm is created, so that the kingdom's peasants shall be protected from bad harvests, which in other conditions would push them to starvation. In the same way, regions which have a surplus will be protected from sudden drops on the price of their products. This fund could also be expanded to fisheries.”

The bill is PASSED with a small majority in the Commons and stronger support in the Lords.

4. Proposed by Don Iñigo Arista: A Bill on Feudal Rights: “A motion to abolish the feudal rights of the lords over their serfs, so they become free peasants with full citizen rights. This includes duties in labour towards their lords, paying in kind to their lord and grant them freedom to move with their families.”

The bill is passed with a small majority in the Commons and DEFEATED in the Lords. The majority of the members of the Lords present simply walk out when it is tabled in that House leaving a few to simply enjoy the speeches mocking the re-abolition of serfdom.

5. Proposed by Baron John Wyndham: “That the Merchant Companies of Albion be permitted to make sale of Gunpowder only to individuals or Organisations within Albion holding the requisite licence (as detailed in section C)ii.a. of this bill), and to individuals and Organisations outside Albion only with the requisite Government permissions (as detailed in section E)iv.c. of this bill).”

The bill is DEFEATED by a large margin in the Commons, Baron Mandrake notably rallying considerable Companies opposition to the motion.

6. Proposed by Lord Walter Devereux: “A bill concerning the further reform of the poor laws of 1327, 1536 and 1601 that they may better be able to serve the needs of a modern Albion. The bill is a detailed administrative reform of the more archaic poor laws, tying up loop holes and making suitable provision for the truly destitute, as well as a requirement for community based work, on a parish basis, to be done by those capable of work and in receipt of Parish support.”

The bill wins large majorities in both Houses and is easily PASSED into law.

7. Proposed by Thou Shalt Not Suffer A Witch To Live Jones: “That on the first anniversary of the defeat of the Witch King every church in the land should hold a service of thanksgiving and celebrate the victory of the forces of God and his people over the servants of evil.”

The bill enjoys almost unanimity in both Houses and is PASSED.

• Professor Chandlers sudden change in demeanour is due to her being purged of an excess of fire essence in her body from an alchemical accident some time ago.
• That's not a proper goose. It doesn't have enough knives stuck in it.
• Somebody's been collecting legs.
• The Admiral of the White died in rather suspicious circumstances. And look who got promoted, what a scandal…
• Witch Jones has been buying churches just to knock them down. What a strange man.
• That David Brandage has been spending an awful lot of time in Ireland.
• I hear that Court Clerk's sentence got commuted.
• Had a great contract for EIC uniforms. Very “snappy”, she wanted, so of course I charged double. Dunno where they went, though; normally they come and try them on…
• Who's this Habon guy?
• Prince Richard has a dicky tummy.
• Tsung Chang-Mai has been spending a lot of time at Lanik College, but I've never actually seen her give a lecture.
• Ah, the JNE, Solomon Jones hates those guys.
• Walter Devereux is just playing the nice guy, mark my words, he'll be ruling the country with an iron fist within a year!
• Captain Smashing! Captain Smashing! Will you marry my daughter?
• Greyhawk's parrot has no agenda.
• The Grand Duchy of Muscovy is certainly Grand, but it's no Duchy, its borders stretch from Austria to the far-off Cathayan Empire. I'm so glad they don't have powder weapons.
• Lady Hamilton is very flash.
• The monstrous corpse of the undead Clockwork King is in perfect health.
• Reginald Grover sold his soul to the devil as soon as he learned to write.