(during a discussion on recusancy) “No, a few people do turnsheet to attend church… mostly the Jesuits.”

“This is not a hard-cryptography game!”

(in tones of deep horror, re: Joe) “Undead versus Golems…. WHO WILL WIN??”

(on being asked where Wo Feng is) “He's…. in…… uhhhhhhhhh…. FUDGELAND! at the moment.”

(from the Devereux/Nearer saga) “Playboy [Major-]General Promises Conquests at Court!” “Devereux and Gamut? NEARER EXCLUSIVE! Not this Year says Commitment-Shy Earl.” “Duty before Desire! Says Devereux” or “My Country before Any Woman! - Devereux”

(on Fed's computer) ”….manpurse!” Helen: “Say 'manpurse' again, it makes me happy.” Ivan: ”…Maaaaanpurse.

Helen: (imitating a wingéd kitten) “Mew! mew! Your life is in danger from a mysterious Irishman!” Ivan: “And there's children lost down the well!”

(on marriage) ”…yeah, well, she's a nun and she's a crown princess - one of those will cover it…”

“I am at least an equal-opportunities homophobe!”

On the conversation between Haroun and Tsung:

It's like a horror film. The young innocent woman has stopped on a lonely
stretch of road to give a hitchhiker a lift, but we know he's really the

It's even got heavy-handed foreshadowing…
We should be careful who we tell of these plans… the walls
have ears and you are right, we must be wary of treachery.

No Tsung! Don't let him in the car, he's the _killer_. *munches popcorn*

(Wistfully) “Ahh… Russians and their lead fetish.”

(On “Judas”): “But for it even to be a threat the GM team would have to be a sleep-deprived bunch of near nervous-wrecks powered by hate and bile, drunk with the infliction of angst and filled with an insatiable hunger for sweet-sweet schadenfreude, their CAMPO too weakened by the ravages of disease to prevent the monstrous crime.

And how likely is that?”

”… and in surprise news the Prime Minister Gordon Brown has declared Cornwall an independent Islamic republic which will be implementing Sharia law for its Muslim citizens. The Prime Minster's statement also added that all Royal Navy ships and personnel will be transferring with immediate effect to the new republic which has agreed to defend the rest of the formerly United Kingdom.”

“I've done it in Tokyo with the Welsh Finance Minister… he died later, in a massage parlour.”


“Yes, because if you're not careful they might declare themselves Pope!”

“Okay, in my world, harps are trendy.”

“This is not a hard-history game!”


“This is not a hard-science game!”

(Sounding surprised) “Every spellchecker I've ever used has corrected me when I spell that word wrong!”



“The Torah is queering my pitch! *shakes fist at the Torah*”

“This is not a hard-theology game!”

“Mumble mumble fucking sorcery tokens oh I don't know uhm, TEN LIVE SCORPIONS! Ahahahahaa.”


(on group briefs taking too long) “Can't stop, sharks will get me. Can't stop, sharks will get me. Can't stop, sharks will get me….”

(found in the Old Revisions of the Sorcery spells list, the morning after the Christmas Party) “I HAVE BRACKETS LOOK AT MY BRAKCETS AI'M NOT DURNK”

(from the Devereux/Nearer saga) “Devereux Crippled by “Premature” Personal Problems” / “FIRST LOVE: Albion's finest share “Turbulent” bond over Royal Rescue”

(On accusing the court clerk of treason) “Well she's a Yid, so we can put it in the Kyke brief”

(On the time management issues of the Brandages' plan, turn 10) “Sprinkle sprinkle sprinkle, incense incense incense, chanting chanting chanting, OH GOD MY SPLEEN MY BEAUTIFUL SPLEEN”

(to Ivan): “Dude… Eliza - Sauron. Sauron - Eliza. There is a difference… I know it's tough…”

“Ten florins, sucky sucky … never make me associate that phrase with Nicholas Lovecraft”

(For no reason relevent to anything at all) “Brrr. Female circumcision. Brrr”

(Finishing Eternity turnsheeting, copied straight from Google Doc) “Unexpectedly, in 1662, frustrated by years upon years of unquestioning loyalty, the entire Privy Council mount a coup against King Matthew. With the power bases at their fingertips, there is nothing to stop them assassinating him; each holds one knife as Matthew is struck, bleeding, to the ground. The Privy Council promptly declare Albion a sovereign state of the Pope and an outpost of the Vatican, which lasts until the secret cache of Franzberg demons under Oxford blasts the Capital entirely to the Moon. Lovecraft, having been lying in wait on the moon for just such an eventuality, besieges Oxford and finally succeeds in having himself crowned king of Albion-Over-Sky. And it was the best day ever.”


“This is not a hard-chronology game!”

Lady Charlton to Edward Marshal “I'm sure you'll make a suitable bride for the Princess.”

“I've read more of the Bible looking for quotes to put in the news than I ever read through fourteen years of RE lessons…”

“I've worked out how to get the players to do what I want them to. Find the ones who are male, and flirt with them horribly”


“This is not a hard-economy game!”

(on hearing Nicholas Lovecraft's turnsheet) “It's so good to have Pickering back.”

(on being straight) “I am perfectly open to hot gay guys.”


Quinn Smith: (letter to Choronzon) ”…I have attempted to check the collage books (which, I'll have you know, fill three shelves, and are written in a combination of latin, greek and french!), and have deduced that you may indeed have been on the books for the last fourty years! Or, well, something happened 40 years ago, I don't read greek.”

Philip Silva: “Quetzalcoatl pissed in my cheerios.”

Joff: “Maybe the Aztecs can teach me to train chameleons!”

Nicholas Lovecraft: “I shall learn Summon the Archduke. Soon no sorcerer will be able to stand against me, and all of Hell will be at my disposal! Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! I hope no one heard that.”

Joe: “Filthy goddamn Catholics, interfereing with the righteous pursuit of hot lesbian action. By God, as Englishmen we won't stand for it!”

Jessie: “Because when you can get into Hell, right, you can cast Theurgy in Hell, right, and that's just funny!”

Frances: “If you did Walke in to Preache at them about their Handlinge of Roge Witches methinks you Woulde not Walke out again in Quit the Same Way due to Havinge a Diffrent Number of Legges.”

Quinn Smith: “Now, I'm no fan of the invisibles, but rampant sorcery. And in the middle of the boat race too, that's just… cheating!”

James: (on religion) ”…Therefore, the only conclusion to come to is that God actually does hate [me], the petty little bearded gimp.”

Frances: (at the sad news of the Lord Stafford) “Go to Stafford's Memorial Service. Sit in solemn and sorrowful contemplation of all the money that he never had a chance to give me.”

ALL GMs, imitating Lilith possessing Leah: “Oy Vey! I am… Leah Brandage.” “Ignore the, uh, glowing red eyes!” “I am… suffering from Sorcerous backlash!” “I am a perfectly normal human!” ”….do you have a small child I could snack on?” “I am a Jew, after all…”

Tamsin (on Gwen): “as fluffy and sappy as a tribble drowning in maple syrup”

O'Farrell): “Alright… Ow.. Enough… The things I do for my country. Now fetch the chicken and we'll end this.”

Mandrake - “I'm sending Altair the Jewish assassin to go and take care of [the Jesuit] von Bell. This is mighty dangerous for the poor sod as it involves sending him into a city [Beijing] full of elite enemy soldiers to take on an opponent who can probably use astrology to see the attack coming. Oh well, even if he dies, I'm going to chalk it up as a win.”

Frances, on Devereux: “The way I saw it, my scruffy, snarky, rat-toting witchy little commoner could develop an unrequited desire for the tall, brave, pure, shiny, noble and utterly inaccessible Devereux, and proceed to stalk him using her witchy powers and the information-gathering tools in her arsenal. But she kept on not having enough time to stalk him, and now it's IMPOSSIBLE. How the hell do you stalk someone who is marching towards you with a big smile, a bunch of roses and a fistful of handwritten poetry?”


<Eldritchreality>	I wonder if anal sex is considered corruption in jewish circles.
<Eldritchreality>	I have a feeling it might be.
<oxfordgirl>	Probably
<Eldritchreality>	in which case I could potentially bring around an apocalypse by anally raping one of the nystarim.
<oxfordgirl>	Oh dear...

Eliza Gamut: “It doe Seme that you Canne not Looke any wich way without Devillry Crawlinge out of the Walles and Tryinge to Bit off your Nose.” Helen's comment: Well I'm glad someone has understood my metaphysic…

Eliza Gamut: “I Heare no Goode Thinges of Africk for tis Naught but Heat and Flyes the Size of Dogges and Menne with Faces in their Elbowes who do Ete Christens.” Helen's comment: Actually I hadn't written up the Egypt setting material yet, but now, all of these things will be included.

Elizabeth Weaver hitting the nails right on the head without (AFAIK) having heard the exact plans OC. Or maybe it's that obvious.: “I instruct my first spies to discover the purpose of Alle the King's Men and the eventuality they are planning for. I suspect that it might be the death of the king and/or Richard, and ecuring Wyndham a place as Regent.

I instruct my second spies to bring me evidence of Lady Hamilton's guilt regarding the murder of the Admiral of the White.”

Anastasia Hamilton (re: Devereux): “I'm pretty sure whatever he thinks I'm doing, I am doing- unless its like stabbing myself in the eye or something, in which case I'm not doing that.”

Reginald Grover re: Morag's trial: “Unfortunately, I suspect that a sufficiently powerful conjurer operating on behalf of Witch Jones could falsify the evidence, causing it to point to you (OOC: Especially if, you know, you actually did it and stuff).”

Eliza on Haroun: The Midnight Rose remains the real reason that Eliza hasn't investigated Haroun properly despite the fact that the man really, really makes her thumbs prick… Eliza feel genuinely protective towards the poor little brothel and wouldn't want people storming her with pitchforks.

Jonathan (Jake Stirling): “I attempt to lake the witch.”

Eliza Gamut (re: Tsung and the Evil One): “Eliza's still a bit fuzzy on what the demon does to the world, but she gathers that it sucks the tea out of things. Tsung Chang Mai is apparently pale because she has had a great deal of tea sucked out of her, but apparently it'll grow back. Eliza has always likes tea, and Tsung Chang Mai seemed to be saying that it was actually the life essence of the universe. Which would explain quite a lot.”

Ellie OOC, talking about Tsung comforting Leah, paraphrased from memory: “We angsted. Tsung comforted Leah. Anyway, after you've blown up one city later ones don't worry you so much.”

Adam: (sobbing and weeping over the Bathory brief) / Helen: “It's OK Adam… there there Adam… it's OK… here… breasts, look, here are some breasts…” / Ivan: ”…I should sob more!”

Devereux: And nice to see by thearmy brief that 2 turns of “I will not be short of gunpowder” has paid off… it's almost as though now would be a good time for me to launch a coup.

Tom to Ellie: “I'm going to be menstruating for six months!”

Racheet, explaining Haroun's psychology on IRC:

<Eldritchreality>	after a while the complexities start folding into each other and then before you know it you're in non-euclidian geometry, the hounds of tindalos are coming through the walls and everybody is calling you insane.
<Eldritchreality>	meanwhile you just know that if you stop thinking, then they'll come for you.
<Eldritchreality>	with big swords and shiny armour and the holy grail
<Eldritchreality>	THE FUCKING HOLY GRAIL!
<Eldritchreality>	What's a sorceror to do?

Zack, on Unity: *plot plot plot* “reveal I'm her sister, and give her anything she needs to know to convince her of this. But this is a VERY last resort! ”

Weaver: “I use my new spying skills to spy on Wyndham and the Wyndhamettes.”

Weaver, on the HRE: ”…Just because some watery tart gets thawed out and declares herself empress…”

Wyndham, every turn until the death of Nicholas de Grey:

“CONDITIONAL: Kill Nicholas de Grey (8AP)

If it looks the LEAST BIT like Nicholas de Grey is going to elope with any of the following:
The Queen
The King
The Princes (any of them)
The Archbishop of Canturbury
Thou-Shalt-Not-Suffer-A-Witch-To-Live Jones

I will Kill Nicholas de Grey. KILL HIM DEAD.

And the person trying to Elope with him. Yes this does include Ivan's regicide.


Tom: “Wait, we were IC Jewish? Oh shit, we've done it wrong! Jews aren't meant to destroy the covenant, I'm pretty sure. Or kill angels, break into Eden, steal apples etc.
We are in *so* much trouble when God finds out.”

Subsection: Players' Utter Inability to Spell "Haroun ibn Rasheed"

  • “Rashhed” and “Rasheet” (Henry Lockett, both in the same IC email prior to turn 13)
  • “Huron Rasheed” (Henry Lockett, IC email prior to turn 11)
  • “Habon Al-Barad” (Anastasia Hamilton, turn 10)
  • “Haroun al-Racheed” (Nicholas Lovecraft, turn 9)
  • “Ibrahim bin Rasheed” (Philip Silva & Tsung Chang-Mai, Turn 2)

Subsection: The best "relevant skills"

  • Anthony Sutcliffe, turnsheet 13
    • Dude looks like an angel
    • Smite 5
  • Philip Silva, turnsheet 2
  • Eliza Gamut, turnsheet 11
    • Extreme Cookery
  • Leah Brandage, turnsheet 13
    • improvisational sorcery
    • chutzpah
    • heresy
  • Walter Devereux, almost every turnsheet
    • Relevant Quirks/Skills: Organisation 4 (Military Strategy), Fighting (Assault) 3, Navigation 2, Diplomacy 2, Being a God Damn Hero, magic swordy thing, magic musket thing, guardian angel, blessed, ships and troops, you know, all that jazz.
  • Elizabeth Weaver, turnsheet 11
    • Spying Rank 3 - one rank in Wyndham's organisation, one rank at Hamilton's household and thirdly, a specialisation in 'Specialisation - Spying on Privy Councillors (and not getting caught)'
  • John Wyndham, turnsheet 4
    • Languages 2 (Romance Languages… tbh I don't thin k this is really relevant at all, but I haven't used it yet so I feel it needs an airing).
quotes.txt · Last modified: 2008/03/02 20:00 by helen