News in England is distributed by a wide variety of ways. These include notices pasted on the boards of Churches and Taverns and notes sent around the courtiers by the messengers of the nobility and gentry. The most popular distribution however is from the pulpit and the press - the priests and preachers of all churches pass news onto their congregations in town and countryside while many write and publish pamphlets they distribute far and wide. Here follows a collection of the most interesting and important news.

Extracts from Nearer, a gossip pamphlet covering the ups and downs of members of the court.

“…apologise for last edition's rumours regarding Queen Anne. A mix up in sources resulted in our records of her husband's death five years ago being missed. Nearer issues a full retraction…”

“…on his new doctorate. Dr David Brandage is one of many…”

“…received two! Nearer sends its congratulations to the dashing double-Doctor Christopher Orion…”

“…yet another doctor! Dr Katherine Chandler has also been honoured. Nearer is forced to wonder if there is some conspiracy at work…”

“…two feathers at all times. Nearer's investigations have revealed that, like his signet ring, Walter never removes them under any cirumstances…”

“…been followed by clouds of bees, according to Nearer sources. They must be causing some serious problems for Sir Gray…”

“…seen dancing with Baron Mandrake and Lord Wynhdam. Nearer hopes Lady Hamilton knows…”

“…only establimshent still serving its patrons with Venitian glassware. The Midnight Rose certainly has Nearer's custom!”

“…for Italian lessons. Is the Earl of Pembroke trying to break into a hobby traditionally reserved for ladies? As always, Nearer has all…”

“…sword singing in German! Sadly, Nearer's fluency leaves a lot to be desired, but whatever 'Goldne Kalb' means, Nearer will…”

“…at the New Rose. A golden ship will apparently be a major…”

The Lady Elizabeth Weaver is elected Speaker by the Commons with a poor turnout and is so appointed by His Majesty the King.

In the Lords the vote swings towards the Lord Devereux with the Archbishop Lockett being particularly vocal in his support, and with Viscount O'Farrel and the Earl of Pembroke also both lending their support. Nonetheless there is no clear majority for Devereux with the Lady Hamilton taking a substantial vote and only Lord Henry Gibson faring poorly. The King appoints Lord Henry Gibson the new Lord Speaker.

Members of the Dawkins Institute were Shocked to find that one of their number had Perished. Mistress Amanda Martin, one of the youngest students, was found with her Hands and Face scarred by burns, and all the blood drained from her.

About two weeks later

…found Whimpering in the Pantry, she would not say who had made the horrible cuts which she bore…

And a month later

…another dead…

From a sermon at a parish church in the East of Oxford, serving the craftsmen and scribes of the Island.

The funeral of the Ambassador from the Court of the Son of Heaven, Lao Jungfei, was conducted in the city this day, resembling more a Circus than a Solemn Rite. These Cathayans are well-known to be Worse than the Pagans that sore oppressed the Church in its Beginning, worshipping not just a Multitude of Demons masquerading as gods but also the Spirits of the Dead. The funeral of the ambassador provided Rude Entertainment for the entire lower orders of the city and scared more horses than the cannon drills of the Dragoons at Oxford Castle.

The funeral procession was led to the graveyard by three Cathayans on horseback, accompanied by a band of the Strangest and most Ridiculous music on earth, which could easily be counted as dirge though more fit for a Demon than a woman. Upon the route of the march, on the High Street of the Capital itself, a platform was erected. Three table loaded with Chinese delicacies were set there and the coffin laid there under a White Canopy besides. “Priests”, for so they claimed to be though they appeared to know little or Nothing of the True God, attired in white robes scandalously unsuited for mourning led heathen prayers while the Cathayan population of the city marched in procession past. In fact the entire procession wore the White of a Wedding instead of the respectful colours of mourning, presumably celebrating the Dead Woman's fate of Concubinage to a Demon since she never acknowledged the Lord and her Soul will surely Burn Forever through her Error.

Offerings were made to the False Gods of China, and to the spirit of Lao Jungfei. Salvos of firecrackers were fired and Strange Smelling Sticks were burned. Once these foul rites were performed the three leaders upon their horses let the procession to the cemetery where the unbeliever was interred with little more in the way of uncouth ceremony.

Only a few Stalwart Puritans dared to Denounce the Pagan Ceremony held within the Capital, but none should be in doubt. These Cathayans seek to Drive the good Christian Faith from our Land and in its place set their own Demonic Patrons and the Dead.

From a pamphlet about Oxford University.

A few years ago, a boat was entered into the boat race named Pembroke Rising. How apt that name is now! Pembroke College has risen like a phoenix from the ashes, the Earl of Pembroke sparing no expense to rebuild his college. And he has succeeded beyond anyone's expectations! The rebuilt College is an architectural masterpiece, finer even than the previous incarnation! And no sign of the 'Curse of Pembroke', as some have suggested.

The crowning glory is the bell-tower – higher than that of Christchurch College itself, the bells out-chime Christchurch itself (and have a sweeter sound, to boot!)

The story continues with a surfeit (some may 'excessive') of information about the dramatic sweeping staircases, soaring towers, fine stonework, beatifully bedecked lecture rooms, the mighty Great Hall and the exquisite Chapel.

And learning from previous problems, the mighty college gates are made from aged Oak, with heavy iron locks. And there are even rumours that Pembroke has had assistance from Alchemists, to make the college proof against fire!

Indeed, Owain Herbert is so sure of the safety of his college that he has arranged for the wedding of his son William to the Duke of Edinburgh's daughter to take place in the College Chapel! It is rumoured to be an exclusive event, and the rumours as to who will be invited and what has been arranged for the wedding are too numerous to count!

From a martial pamphlet noted for bemoaning the lack of proper wars recently.

We thought that the armies of Albion had gone soft, playing around in northern France, hardly invading any of the country even when we were at war with them! But no, they have shown their true mettle and taken Venice, heart of the Glass trade of Europe and supplier of fine telescopes and other navigational equipment.

Early reports are that Major-General Devereux led the initial force, taking the Docks and the Doge's palace, followed by Major-General Stafford and Admiral Hamilton. Apparently the Italians tried to throw magic at our brave lads and lasses, but their hearts are pure and they force through, taking the city but with heavy losses.

However, those bloody Italians are now refusing to work! And after our forces were so careful not to damage the city! That's not very sporting, really, is it? Apparently Magicians throughout Europe are getting antsy about the lack of equipment; we're more worried about the lack of new telescopes, sextants and such.

But Captain Smashing to the rescue! Seems he was spending the days coming up to the attack privateering against the Venetian glass shipments! So, telescopes for us but not for those foreign types. Hooray!

From an occasional pamphlet, “The Travels of a Gentleman of Albion”, a travelogue to entertain those with an interest in foreign climes.

It is well-known that the lands outside of Christendom suffer without the benevolent protection of Our Lord in Heaven, and must contend with the earth beneath their feet shaking buildings down and rains of fire from time to time. It was my own fortune, whether good or bad, to be a witness to such an event during my most recent sojourn within the wartorn land of Cathay. The superstitious locals blame such events on the loss of the “Mandate of Heaven”, an event which apparently pressages the disfavour of Heaven, showing that even the Pagans are distantly aware of the power of God.

I am a late riser and was awoken some time after dawn by a great rumbling which was transmitted through the earth itself, which shook the buildings. I have heard from reliable contacts with whom I trade that this great shaking was felt for some hundreds of leagues around the province of Shaanxi which has long-been forbidden to travellers. It was only minutes later that a great pillar of smoke became visible and that a great fall of ash began that hid the sun for many days. Reports reach me that to the chaos of war is now added the devastation by the might paroxsyms of this once mountain, which has ruined an area I estimate to be as great of that of the Kingdom of France!

(From various rumours around Leeds and elsewhere.)

”…came back late one night, went to lock up the vestry and was never seen again. Yes, that's right, the sexton. What's more, there's a holly tree in the churchyard that I swear wasn't there before…”

”…animals in the fields for three miles around have been taking sick and dying. The Bishop's going spare, he thinks the farmers have been letting them in at the yew trees in the churchyard…”

”…hear the Episcopal Council have offered a reward for anyone who can find the cause, but they're keeping it hush-hush because they don't want to admit there's something wrong…”

”…water in the font turned red during a Christening…”

”…books flinging themselves about… stones creaking, candles blowing out… I tell you it's a good old-fashioned haunting!”

From The Courtier, a sensationalist pamphlet covering the happenings in law courts thorought Albion

First, the Great Reverend Simmons did speak for the prosecution, and did he speak! Just by his words was Jones thrice condemned, as a fool, an idiot, and a leper! And then the witnesses! It was a mockery! The bribery, the corruption, the despicable behaviour that was uncovered by the Magnificent Eliza Gamut!

But then: controvesy! Would the Poor Mistress Scoggins be called? No! For the defence objected, and the Wonderous Gamut conceded!

And then, Jones Spoke! The eloquence! The beauty! And the result? Innocent! But the Fool Jones is indeed a fool! An imbecile of the highest order! He had failed to investigate the case of the Unfortunate Mistress Scoggins properly! Now, must all work together to find the real killer!

Thus spake the Lord Justice.

“The Meteorological Phenomenology of Albion”, a scholarly pamphlet about the weather of Albion. It normally chiefly recounts rainfall.

“in the nature of the glow, which is both intense and lusterless, and that both in the sky and in the earth. The glow is intense, this is what strikes everyone; it has prolonged the daylight, and optically changed the season; it bathes the whole sky, it is mistaken for the reflection of a great fire; at the sundown itself and southwards from that date, I took a note of it as more like inflamed flesh than the lucid reads of ordinary sunsets. On the same evening the fields facing west glowed as if overlaid with yellow wax.”

All have noted that the sunsets in recent months have been spectacular, filled with reds and oranges and seeming to last much longer than normal. A great many preachers have taken this as an indication of the approach of the End Times and millenial cults are once more rife.

An occasional pamphlet dedicated to the works of Dom Alonso da Veleta

… and it is as if he is the Godfather of all Oxford! Is he not the most Charming and Friendly man, ever ready to give his Help to those in Need? And does he not personally Care for every man and woman of Oxford, attending to their shortcomings and present at the Baptism as the Godfather of their children? The Portugese diplomat continues to truly Surprise us and amaze us - he has given to Oxford as one Man more than even the loyal Subjects of His Majesty King Matthew.

And who is his trusted Friend but Father Jose-Maria, a most kind and Christian priest, though affected by the taint of Catholicism, remaining more Christian than Much of Albion's own Clergy. If but all Catholics and foreigners were as those Great men…

“The blood of Christ was shed for us, and we need shed no more. Put aside your sacrificial knives, and let no more be killed.”

This was said by King Eleuia of the Fire Kingdom, when he understood the wisdom of Christianity, thanks to the teachings of His Grace Henry Lockett. Two Kingdoms of the Aztecs have seen the Light of God, Fire and Water as they have come to be known, and in another, Wind, the war still rages, as the Dread Ruler Zipactonal represses those of his people who have listened to our missionaries, and attempts to sacrifice them to his heathen gods.

Our men in the colonies, lead by Colonel O'Farrel, with Captain Smashing, Lady Morag, the late Captain Gwendolyn de Vries, Master Johannes Franz and Mistress Gwen verch Morcant, have all been doing their part against the two Kingdoms who have rejected every offer of help, and every kind word, Movement and Jaguar. Even the Crown-Prince Richard himself is reported to have been fighting on the front lines against those who would destroy those whose souls have only just been saved, with a sword glowing with the Light of God.

A very short pamphlet published by Sir Andrew Irvine, an observer of curiosities and the wonderful

… such a Manifestation as has not been Seen by European eyes Above the skies of Aztec lands. There was observed by all a Terrifying visage of a Great Feathered Serpent and forth from its Jaws as from Jove's hands flew Lightning. This then, the Natives of the land have confirmed was the True manifestation of their 'god' Quetzalcoatl whose history and myth I shall tell briefly…

… but once this Quetzalcoatl had come upon the Skies he was to be Confronted by a Great Peacock, all feathered and Clothed in a Holy Light as of an Angel of the Lord. And this, though I am not myself entirely convinced, was the presence of Chalchiuhtolin, an aspect of Quetzalcoatl's nemesis Tezcatlipoca. Thus, locked in an Eternal War they fought and All saw the sight and Quite SUDDENLY it was the Feathered Serpent falling from the skies.

Though the priests of the Aztec religion claimed that their 'god' had Retreated to Recover from this Battle to a secluded cave, a most strange Occasion gave cause for a Further end. For but two days later, the Spanish Priest Padre Jose-Maria de Urbion emerged from the direction of this Holy Cave proclaiming the death of the false-god Quetzalcoatl! Truly he even Glowed with a Heavenly Light and would Sneeze and Cough at the rituals of the Priests - for no sooner that they heard this News they attempted to ascertain the truth and were stricken! For it seems that the Catholic Faith, as Padre Jose-Maria says, did truly allow him to defeat this demon, his Faith alone! The priests confirmed the absence of their god and now Lament daily this loss.

Yet for the Christian world it is the undoubted Victory promised over false-gods by Christ…

A pamphlet published by 'Strange and Curiouse Events', a loose organisation which usually reports on treasures.

It is regret that we announce the death of Captain Gwendolyn de Vries, one of Albion's finest treasure hunters. In response to those who helpfully wrote in to correct us after the first publication of this pamphlet, yes we are sure she is dead this time.

Though the precise details of the sacrifice have not been released, we do have it on good authority that Captain Gwendolyn de Vries gave her life to become the Sun over the Aztec lands. The Aztecs following the old religion are hailing her as Nanahuatl reborn, the Christians as sign of a Covenant between God and his new Believers.

The Sun now shines once again!

From a sermon at Canterbury, delivered by the dean of that Church […] and like the love of a mother for her daughter. Behold the example of our Queen Joanne who has renounced her claim upon the Throne of France that her daughter might more easily marry the young Prince of that land and come into her own greatness upon that same throne. We pray too for the councillors, such as the Lady Weaver, who through gentle words and good example support the wisdom and justice of our Monarchs and lead them to these noble ends […]

From a pamphlet originally in French but crudely translated. Perfidious Albion! Treacherous Albion!! Murdering Albion!!! The butchers of Albion stalk our land, slaying the knights and leaders of the Holy Roman Church. How many more must lie in pools of their own blood before our Lords rise up and strike down the Island of Cutthroats and Blackguards? Not content with the death of our Queen, for all know the claims of the holy Jesuits, they have killed three of our Bishops and now most lately the Cardinal who ruled our land in the name of the future King.

Arise loyal sons of France! Arise and slay this Joanne who sits now at the head of the Regents. Arrse and kill the traitor to French blood who spills it for her own bloody ends. Arise and take up arms 'gainst the murders of the Rosy Cross. Arise true scions of France!

Arise and avenge your suffering land!!!

From a pamphlet entitled “Upon the Recent Crisis in France” […] and the death of Cardinal Mazarin but a single day before the entry of Queen Joanne into Paris as the newest member of the Council of Regents has been taken by many as a coincidence too far. There are many who whisper now that if she is not herself a Rosicrucian, slaying those Catholics who oppose her, then she has at the very least corrupted that secretive organisation for her own ambitions.

A pamphlet distributed primarily in Scotland, but reaching all parts of Albion

And so, for the most part, peace reigns in Scotland. The combined works of Henry Lockett and Witch Jones have sufficed to quell most of the attacks between Jews and Puritans, and for this they must be praised.

This pamphlet makes no comment on those who claim that huge firebreathing dragons converting to Judaism and spending their time outside synagogues may have prevented some of the anti-Semitic violence…

All are now aware of the reawakening of the fire-mountain Vesuvius in the boot of Italy. Those well-grounded in the classics of the Romans will have read the letters of Tacitus recounting the death of the great Pliny the Elder in a cataclysm produced once before by that terrible peak, which engulfed the cities that stood around it.

Opportunistic followers of the Bishop of Rome moved with unnatural speed. Seemingly forewarned when the first rumblings of the peak began they were already waiting to evacuate the city of Naples beneath the mountain. And yet they have the affrontery to blame the whole affair on distant Ablion! Rumours and reports spread by the foul Jesuits are nosed about throughout Christendom claiming that it was a diabolist from Oxford that unleashed the fire and ash that destroyed Naples, filling its harbour with molten rock, and which filled the sky for hundreds of leagues around with smoke and sulphur. These Jesuits seek to use a disaster unleashed by God upon themselves and their Papist ilk to slander our own Isle safe from the Punishment of an angry Lord.

Those aware of politics will know that the accusation is being listened to seriously in the Chancellories of Europe.

Seems these Inventor chappies have been working pretty damned hard recently, especially this League of Magical and Mechanical insight! Their grand Invention Faire was full of whirring, flashing and buzzing devices, it almost frightened my Aunt Hatty out of her wits! She'd never seen the like.

The League (Randolph Blenham, Quinn Smith, Alexander Nathaniel and Nathaniel Medici) spent most of their time lecturing and recruiting, trying to get more bodies into their guild. Can't say I blame them, with them trying to represent Invention in Albion, makes sense for them to invite more of the buggers in.

Still, what I want to know is, why's it only men getting into their League? Not many of the fairer sex interested in Invention, it seems! You've got to wonder what they get up to off in their private laboratories, really! I'd not be surprised if half of them weren't inverts to tell the truth.

But you can't say they're not impressive. You should've seen some of the contraptions they had on show. Still, it's a pity we couldn't get to see Smashing's boat again – now that's what I call Invention! Let's hope they can put on another one soon!

An article in the military pamphlet 'The Dragon', published in Dunkerque

We report of this terror that has spread even unto Sovereign soil with great sadness. It appears that by the Agency of Dom Alonso da Veleta, a Portugese diplomat in Albion, the 'Holy' Inquisition entered Malta under the pretence of rooting out the Albigensian Heresy that did break out there. Whatever the facts may be, the Inquisiton, like its counterpart in Spain, spiralled far out of control and the Zealous priests of Papist persuasion could only be held by the cold steel of Albion's soldiers.

Thanks to the protection of the Army, under the command of Acting-Governor Wilson Mandrake and Naval elements under Admiral Hamilton, the adherents of the Anglican faith were protected from the sheer horrors visited upon the Catholic populations.

Such were the atrocities that even Archbishop Lockett, fortuitously visiting the isle, was unable to curb it in time and could but do his best to admit those wishining into the Anglican faith. For these terrible deeds have shown conclusively that the Church of England is the true Church of Christ and suffers not from the Satan-corrupted practices of the Papists.

We have recently received a further report from our agent in Parliament that Mandrake and Hamilton had both attempted to contact Albion for assistance in the matter but all communication was waylaid! It can only have been the work of Jesuit agents, no doubt in collusion with Dom Alonso and the Inquisition to further their devilish plans over the long-suffereing isle.

A pamphlet published and distributed by the Church

We pray daily for Peace to settle over the Holy Land and that Christians might be protected from the evils and stryfe that have beset the land. Jerusalem, the great and Holy City of God hath never suffered so terribly in so short a time. Coming as if from nowhere the bandit mercenaries fell upon the city and provoking the Ottoman armies fought a bloody siege over Golgotha. It is said to have lasted forty days and forty nights and seen the slaughter of thousands every day that the land weeps with blood and the soil is quenched in death.

The rumour that the Earl of Pembroke may have commisioned these bandits is surely exaggerated and the Church could not contemplate such actions by the man…


Another pamphlet is distributed by the Catholic Church

… so incited to the violence by these two Albion priests, the Jews, Christians and Moslems of our Holy City began a vengeful slauhter of each other. Thus, the Greatests Slave of Satan - Albion, has once more plunged this world into a bloody conflict and lefts its terrible mark upon the world…

“Dwm! We're Al Dwmed!”

“The Spanish Inquisition is at an end. But it is only beginning in Malta… soon it will spread to every Christian country of Europe.”

“I've got a friend in Pembroke College, and he says there's gonna be an Angelic choir singing at William Herbert's Wedding!”
“Surely not! How'd they persuade a load of Angels to do that?” “I dunno. All I know is, they're going to be singing out just as the couple join hands.”

“Captain Smashing has been forbidden from approaching within fifty miles of William Herbert's wedding.”

“Sir Christophe Swal was assassinated, now he is an undead monstro- YE GODS! Is that the the monstrous corpse of the undead clockwork King?!”

“A full guard of dragoons will be attending Viscountess Shonagh of Dunfermline, daughter of the Duke of Edinburgh, until she is safely married.”

“Captain Smashing has been asked to be best man at William Herbert's wedding.”

“Apparently the Dean of the Invisible College can't keep it up if you know what I mean.”

“I think they must like the smell of Mandrake, sometimes being round him is enough to make you feel sympathy for the Pharaoh.”

“Padre Jose-Maria has taken command of the Inquisition in Spain”

“Walter Devereux is struggling to learn Italian.”

“Queen Joanne of Albion is now the effective Queen of France too. Cardinal Mazarin has died and there is little doubt that the young King Louis will encounter a deadly accident. It's Richard III all over again!”

“For about six or maybe seven in walked Colonel Farrell. I jumped up, fired my pistols, and I shot him with both barrels.”

“When WILL Lady Weaver get married? Perhaps she is imitating Elizabeth I and wishes to marry herself to Albion?”