This afternoon a piper amusing children in the streets of Oxford was caught up in a large scale disturbance after a fracas broke out at the nearby Custard Pie festival as one drunken individual became extremely creamed off with a stall holder over the correct ratio of milk to sugar in the aforementioned confectionary. The presence of Cry God For Harry across the entire city, however, ensured that the first swing of this dough-ty individual did not connect with its intended target, but instead sent a pie of surpassing quality sailing through the air to connect with our poor, and now pied, piper. The street musician's attempted pie-involving retaliation unfortunately struck the Captain the Baron Philibert of Horace, who, upon dismounting to reprimand the piper, slipped and upended an entire table of custard mixture over the Bishop of Oxford, the Master of Scone College and Sir Thomas Sedgemore, MP. What happened following these events can only be described as a riot of completely safe proportions, which local commoners milked for all it was worth. From a Bird's-eye view, the scene might have appeared to be one of carnage; with the flour of Oxford's elite, the cream of High Society, indeed, the entire upper Crust, being engulfed entirely, however, we can report that whilst a number of individuals were taken in to custardy, none were harmed.

In a note placed about town: The editors of [a publication] would like to let our readership know that the author of this article has been arrested and is currently awaiting trial for Crimes Against our Mother Tongue.

(Thank you Peter, that's enough)